I was working with a client the other day who was struggling with getting her teen daughter to open up. Her daughter was rebelling and pushing away... like all teens do.   Which doesn't feel very comfortable for an engaged parent!   

In our parental support meeting, this mother was asking me for advice on how to get her daughter to engage with her.  She had tried EVERYTHING and no matter how she phrased her questions or tried to show interest in her daughters life, she was constantly rejected.  Met with resistance and sometimes even tears.  Simple questions like 'How was your day" would set her daughter off into hysterics, ending in the ever famous words 'you're ruining my life" followed by the door slam. 

My advice to her... treat her like a CAT.    Yea... you heard me right, a cat.    It might sound odd, but hear me out...  

Dealing with angsty teens can be challenging, but treating them like cats might just be the key to understanding their behavior. Much like our feline friends, teens crave independence and have an innate desire to explore and push boundaries. It's in their DNA to challenge authority and resist restrictions, just as cats prefer to roam freely and disdain being confined.

Teens, like cats, often withdraw,  For teens it's  just a part of their natural development. This withdrawal is crucial as they seek to establish their own identity and find their tribe. Rebellion isn't just a phase—it's an essential part of growing up. They need the space to test limits and figure out who they are outside of their parents' influence.

Consider how cats demand attention on their own terms, but burst into your room at 5am, expecting you to cater to their needs. Similarly, teens might reject overt displays of affection but still need your support and presence behind closed doors. They might not always want to talk, but they value knowing you're there when they're ready.

Creating a safe, non-judgmental space for your teen is vital. Just as cats prefer to open up in comfortable environments, teens are more likely to share during car rides, vacations, or parent-child dates. Don't force conversations or pry into their lives; instead, share activities and allow them to come to you when they're ready.

By respecting their need for independence while providing a stable, supportive environment, you can foster a deeper connection with your teen. Remember, much like with a cat, patience and understanding go a long way. Most teens just want a safe place to land and don't want judgement or advice unless it's solicited.   

Next time your teen lashes out and slams the door on you,.. treat them like a cat.   Stay calm, ignore them for a bit, let them calm down, then slip a snack or a note under the door and walk away.    Let them know that they are safe and when they are ready to come out and talk, you'll be there.  Even if it is 2am. Eventually, they will venture outside their 'box' and share with you what is really upsetting them. 

Good Luck and if you ever need support, we've got your back here at Alimental Life.  Schedule a parental support call by clicking HERE.