So Lazy I Can’t Stand It

Alimental Life • June 12, 2022

Dear Alex,


My daughter is 16, and is just so lazy I can’t stand it. Stereotypical, I know, but she has no motivation to do anything beyond the bare minimum in school, at home, and has given up on her after school activities. Her sleep and eating habits are atrocious. She says she’s just “overwhelmed with everything,” but she has nothing to be overwhelmed with. How do I help her? Or better yet, when does this lazy streak end!? I keep waiting for her to start acting like an adult, and get ready for college, but I fear it will never happen.


~ Busy Mom

Dear Busy Mom,


Seeing changes in our kids can set off warning bells in our minds, and create a new set of worries in our hearts. I hear your frustration, and also sense your concern.


With any significant change in a teen’s behavior and lifestyle, it is wise to rule out physical factors like Vit. D deficiencies, mono, thyroid and other physical illness. With a clean bill of physical health, It’s likely the ‘laziness’ stems from mental state, real or perceived. You may be surprised to hear laziness in teens, may actually be a manifestation of depression and anxiety.


Teen mental health issues tend to go underdiagnosed because they are excellent at masking symptoms and truly believe this depressed state is the new normal. In my practice I see teens struggle with feeling out of control of their own circumstances, lacking the confidence to speak up and eventually settle into the new ‘depressed’ life they feel doomed to endure. They don’t know any difference, so they shut down and bear it.


When your daughter says she feels overwhelmed, it may be the only word she has to describe feelings of pressure placed on her by friends, school, herself or home. The effects of societal pressures combined with constant barrage of social and peer pressure can make even the most mentally stable teen buckle. Coupled with possible underlying feelings of low self-confidence and autonomy it’s not surprising so many teens are struggling with anxiety and depression. 


Try approaching her differently. Show her she has value to you, take her on a parent/daughter date and let her guide the conversation. Reconnect and show concern rather than disappointment. Bring up the changes you’ve seen and give her some freedom to make suggestions about changes that might simplify things for her. Can she set one small, attainable goal to build back some confidence and sense of control? Can you help her find time and space to connect with the people and activities she enjoys most? How can you work together to make healthy food choices easily accessible to her for overall wellness support?


If she does not respond well to these suggestions from you, consider engaging with an auntie, teacher, or trusted mentor who can provide guidance without the pressures of parental expectations she may be manifesting.

As we come into the summer months, keeping in mind isolation from friends can intensify some of these difficult feelings. If your teen shows worsening signs of behavior, mood, or seems inclined to hurt herself, do not hesitate to reach out for professional help. If she refuses to see a medical professional or doesn’t find value in treatment, please call me. While I’m not a licensed therapist, I am a bridge and sometimes coaching is all that’s needed. A coach can give your child a neutral, confidential mentor that they can trust with their problems and coach them on how to better communicate with their parents. In turn, a coach can provide insight and guidance to you as a parent, on how to best provide support for your child, without betraying this trust.

For more information on teenage depression and anxiety, or to see if coaching may be a good choice for you or your teen, visit www.alimentallife.com

By Aamira Dixon June 22, 2026
Looking Beyond the Behavior to Understand What Teens May Be Trying to Escape
By Aamira Dixon June 19, 2026
Why Emotional Support at Home Matters More Than Many Parents Realize
By Aamira Dixon June 17, 2026
The Quiet Ways Teenagers Experience Exclusion, Judgment, and Emotional Harm
By Aamira Dixon June 15, 2026
Understanding Identity, Belonging, and the Pressure to Be Like Everyone Else
By Aamira Dixon June 12, 2026
Why So Many Parents Feel Like They're Falling Behind
By Aamira Dixon June 10, 2026
Understanding Emotional Safety, Connection, and Why Some Children Shut Down Around Certain Adults
By Linda Chase June 9, 2026
How Parents Can Spark Curiosity to Raise Motivated, Engaged Learners Parents of school-age children often notice a shift: the endless “why” questions start to fade, and school becomes something to finish rather than explore. The challenge isn’t a lack of ability, it’s that schedules, pressure to perform, and fear of mistakes can quietly crowd out children’s natural curiosity. When curiosity shrinks, self-motivated learning becomes harder, and even capable kids can disengage. Nurturing curiosity now supports engaged learners and lays a steady foundation for nurturing child development. Why Curiosity Fuels Learning Momentum Curiosity is the brain’s way of saying, “This matters, pay attention.” When kids get to wonder, test ideas, and notice patterns, they build stronger thinking skills through repeated practice. That sense of pull matters because intrinsic motivation helps learning feel chosen, not assigned. It matters because curiosity makes effort easier to sustain. A child who feels safe to ask and experiment is more likely to persist through confusion and bounce back from mistakes. Over time, that steady engagement supports deeper understanding and more flexible problem-solving. Think of curiosity like a mental spark that lights the next step. A child who asks how a bike gear works may read, tinker, and try again after a failed attempt. The learning sticks because the question belonged to them. When curiosity has room to show up, modeling it at home starts to feel natural and doable. Make Learning Visible: A Parent Model Kids Can Copy When kids see curiosity in action, they learn that questions and effort are what keep learning moving. Let your learning be something they can actually notice: ask questions out loud, show genuine excitement when you discover an answer, and be willing to try a new skill even when you’re rusty. That might look like watching you puzzle through a problem, saying, “I’m not sure yet,” and staying engaged anyway, so exploration feels normal, not performative. Earning an online degree can reinforce that message by building your knowledge and confidence while fitting around real family schedules. For relevant context , an online accounting degree could deepen your business acumen and teach you how to read financial statements, understand auditing, and work with generally accepted accounting principles. Build a Home That Invites Discovery: 7 Simple Setups A curiosity-friendly home doesn’t need to look like a classroom. A few intentional “yes spaces” and routines make it normal for kids to explore, especially when they see you learning out loud, too. Create a visible “grab-and-go” book nook: Put 15–25 books where kids already linger (couch, kitchen table, bedside), not tucked on a high shelf. Rotate a few each week, mix comics, how-to books, and picture-heavy nonfiction so every reading mood has an option. Keep a small basket for “I want to ask about this” bookmarks so questions turn into conversations. Make the library a predictable family ritual: Pick one day every 1–2 weeks and keep it short, 30 minutes is enough to browse, check out, and reset interest. Give each child a simple mission such as “one fun book, one new-topic book, and one audio book,” and let them lead. Tie it to your modeling from earlier: check out a book for yourself too and share one surprising thing you learned at dinner. Set up an “open-ended builders bin” for daily tinkering: Choose educational toys and resources that can be used a hundred ways, blocks, connectors, gears, magnetic tiles, marble-run pieces, then store them in one clear bin kids can access without help. A gentle prompt like “Can you build something that stands up to a shake test?” invites problem-solving without turning it into a lesson. Many families like building sets because building toys can help students understand concepts about architecture, structural stability, measurements, design, and more . Keep a low-mess art and making station always ready: Stock a small caddy with paper, pencils, markers, tape, glue stick, scissors, and a recycled-materials box (cardboard, bottle caps, scrap fabric). The key is “open, not perfect”: a washable tablecloth and a simple cleanup routine (“make, photo, reset”) protects your sanity. Use it to support hobbies, comic drawing, model-making, fashion sketches, whatever your child keeps returning to. Designate a “kitchen science” shelf for hands-on learning: Pick 5–8 safe items for experiments, measuring cups, food coloring, vinegar, baking soda, magnets, a small scale, and store them together. Add a notebook labeled “What we noticed” so kids can draw results or write one sentence. When you’re learning visibly, narrate your own wondering: “I’m not sure why it foams, what should we try next?” Use learning apps as tools, not babysitters: Choose one or two apps that match a current interest (space, coding puzzles, language, music) and set a simple boundary such as 15–20 minutes, then “show me one thing.” Ask for a tiny teach-back, one new word, one strategy, one level they found tricky, so the screen time turns into shared learning. Carve out a hobby-friendly space with “permission to pause”: Give each child a small spot, desk corner, shelf, or rolling cart, where ongoing projects can stay out for a few days. Add a “parking lot” sticky note so they can stop mid-project without losing momentum: “Next time I will…”. This reduces quitting because taking breaks feels like part of the process, not a failure. Curiosity and Motivation Questions Parents Ask Q: How do I motivate my child without turning everything into a reward? A: Focus praise on effort and strategy, not outcomes: “You tried two ways,” or “You kept going when it was tricky.” Offer privileges that fit the activity, like extra time to continue a project, instead of prizes for performance. Ask what they want to get better at, then support the first small step. Q: What should I do when my child says learning is “boring” or “too hard”? A: Treat it as information, not defiance. Encourage open communication questions like “Which part is the worst?” and “What would make it 10 percent easier?” Then adjust one variable: shorter time, clearer directions, or a choice of topics. Q: How much help is too much when they get stuck? A: Aim for a hint, not a takeover. Try “What have you already tried?” then offer two options and let them pick. If frustration rises, take a reset break and return with a smaller, winnable piece. Q: When should I step in if they quit quickly? A: Step in when quitting is about overwhelm, not preference. Use a calm “pause plan” like “Stop, write the next move, and we’ll try for five minutes later.” Consistency matters more than intensity. Q: How can I celebrate small wins without bribing or pressuring? A: Celebrate the process with specific feedback and a shared moment: a photo, a high-five, or showing someone what they made. Help them set a tiny target since SMART goals keep progress concrete without adding pressure.  Keep Curiosity Alive With Small Shifts and Steady Support It’s easy to want kids to stay motivated while also worrying about pushing too hard or stepping back too far. The path forward is a curiosity-first mindset: use parental support techniques that protect questions, invite reflection, and make learning feel safe to explore. Over time, sustaining curiosity builds long-term engagement and keeps motivation rooted in meaning, not pressure. Curiosity grows when kids feel safe to wonder and capable of figuring things out. Choose one small change this week, like pausing to ask one better question and then listening, that keeps momentum toward motivating self-directed learning and encouraging continuous exploration. That steady approach strengthens resilience, confidence, and connection as learning becomes a lifelong habit.
By Aamira Dixon June 8, 2026
When Parenting Starts Feeling More Defeating Than Rewarding
By Aamira Dixon June 5, 2026
Emotional Withdrawal Is Often Deeper Than “Bad Attitudes”
More Posts